What Goes Around Comes Around
by Tachyon II
Summary: A post-Endgame story I wrote around the pic I fiddled "http://i228./albums/ee2/kejaneway/kjbcNews.jpg". Kathryn returns to duty and meets Dr. Crusher who makes an astonishing discovery.
1. Chapter 1

Kathryn sat down and eyed the empty briefing room. It felt strange for her to be back in San Francisco and Headquarters. She had spend past few weeks in total isolation from anything Starfleet related, so coming back to work was something to get used to again. After the four days in court martial, which was standard procedure to all lost ships in the fleet, she had decided to take some time to herself. First the very idea of vacation had felt almost obscure, but once she truly let herself rest without feeling guilty of doing nothing, she had learnt to enjoy her time. So she had spent her holiday with her family in Indiana resting and trying to figure out what she wanted from life for now on. She had finally come to the conclusion that Starfleet had still a tight grip on her, and she had finally chosen to come back; now as an admiral. And now that she was here, the thought of her considering quitting for good felt like someone else's line of thought.

Kathryn awoke from her thoughts once she heard the door opening. Then she saw a red-haired woman entering the room.

"Admiral Janeway", the woman said and smiled.

Kathryn got up on her feet and extender her arm towards the woman she recognized from the profile she had requested before taking the assignment.

"Dr. Crusher", she said then. "Thank you for coming, doctor. You're expertise is certainly required in these negotiations."

"Thank you, admiral", Dr. Crusher said and sat down on the seat next to Kathryn's. "And call me Beverly."

"I have understood that you have put a lot of extra hours on this", Kathryn said then.

"Well, whenever there are accusations of the use of biological weapon, I tend to get very serious on the matter."

"It is the most vicious way to fight the war", Kathryn sighed. "Well, your input is certainly appreciated, doctor. Only solid facts can provide objectivity when emotions are running high. My challenge is, however, get these two parties to listen to each other today."

"You're diplomatic skills are well-known, admiral", Beverly stated. "And it is a big step that they are coming to hear the Starfleet mediator; that they are willing to sit down around the same table."

"It is a significant step", Kathryn agreed. "I guess I am feeling this slight uncertainty because I have been on a vacation for the last months. But I chose to take this assignment just because I knew it would be a though one."

"Enjoying the challenge", Beverly said with a smile.

"Definitely", Kathryn admitted. "And talking about challenges, Enterprise must be one of the most challenging places to work as a doctor."

"It is and I wouldn't change it for anything."

"I'm sure you wouldn't", Kathryn stated smiling. "Working on a starship can definitely be stimulating. But you have been worked as a chief medical officer of Starfleet as well", Kathryn said then.

"I have", Beverly answered. "And working here was certainly a challenge, too. But I have learnt that my heart is on the Enterprise", she said then and Kathryn saw a sparkle in her eye.

"Care for a cup of coffee?", Kathryn asked then and got up from her seat.

Suddenly she felt dizzy and she started to loose her balance. Then she swayed against the table.

"Admiral!" Beverly said and came to the aid. She took a firm grasp on the admiral and placed her back on her seat.

"What was that?" Kathryn asked surprised.

"Just a moment, admiral. I'm going to take the medical kit", Beverly said and stepped away from the table. "How have you been feeling lately?" she asked then.

"Normal", Kathryn replied. "Well, I have been quite tired during the past week, but I guess that would be normal after working non-stop for seven years."

"Perhaps", Beverly said and kneeled down in front of the admiral. Then she opened the medical kit and switched the tricorder on.

"I guess I shouldn't have skipped the breakfast this morning", Kathryn said then and smiled.

"I guess not", Beverly said and Kathryn became aware of the seriousness in her voice.

"What is it, doctor?" she asked then.

Beverly switched off her tricorder and took a seat next to Kathryn again. For a brief moment she was collecting her thoughts, thinking about the way to tell her what she had just discovered.

"You are pregnant, admiral", Dr. Crusher said then.

Kathryn felt like the time would have stopped, and the next thing she knew was her stomach getting tighter. She had to doubt if she had heard the doctor correctly.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked then.

"You are pregnant", Dr. Crusher replied.

Kathryn sighed in disbelief. Then an empty glare fulfilled her eyes and there was no doubt in Beverly's mind that the admiral hadn't had any idea of her current condition. She was definitely stunned, shocked even.

"But how can this be?" Kathryn asked then breaking the profound silence of the room. "I am not exactly in ideal age to bear a child. And I have assumed that I haven't been able to conceive for a while now."

"Working under constant stress can have tangible effects on female physiology", Beverly started to explain. "If your menstrual cycle has ceased, it could have been a result from demanding workload in your daily life instead of a menopause."

Kathryn nodded but said nothing. She had heard Dr. Crusher's words; she understood fully what it meant to be pregnant. But she hadn't been expecting it to happen to herself anymore. She hadn't even given a thought about the possibility. Suddenly she felt cold wave sweeping over her chest.

"How long?" she asked then.

"About seven weeks, admiral."

That was it, then. Dr. Crusher's words succeeded to trigger something within her and she wasn't able to resist certain memories surfacing her mind anymore. The briefing room vanished around her and in her mind she was taken back to a dark room weeks earlier. She was almost able to feel strong hands on her hips again, and the quick thrusts between her legs, which had ached almost as much as her own blinding urges. The mere memory brought back the same heat between her legs now, like she would have been in the room again.

"_Kathryn…_", she heard a low whisper in her ear, which was full of longing and desire.

"Admiral?" she heard then and Kathryn woke from her thoughts.

Instantly she became aware of her burning cheekbones and it embarrassed her. She was almost sure that Dr. Crusher was able to realize where her mind had just been.

"Umm… doctor", she said and took the class of water she was offered. "How certain are you about the duration?"

She was being ridiculous asking it. She knew what she had done and when, and she knew she hadn't been with anyone else since then. But she had to ask. She needed to be absolutely certain now.

"The tricorder is no match for proper sickbay instruments, but admiral… I am very certain."

"I see."

"Are you all right?"

"Yes… yes I am. I am just really and profoundly surprised, that's all. And this day wasn't exactly the best one to become aware of this."

"Do you want to postpone these negotiations? Because I can help you to…"

"Thank you, but there is no need", Kathryn quickly responded. "At the moment these negotiations are more important than my personal life, and I tend to give my all today."

"Understood", Beverly replied. "But if you need anything… If there is a need for take a break during the negotiations, just let me know."

"Thank you, doctor", Kathryn replied. "But I'm sure I'll be fine."

* * *

Kathryn sat behind the big desk in her own office. She felt restless. The morning had been demanding and negotiations hadn't progressed as much as she had hoped and wanted. She had finally adjourned the session for one hour, and decided to check out her office, which she hadn't seen before today.

Kathryn closed the desk drawer and sighed. She wondered how she had been able to ignore the though of her pregnancy during the negotiations, but somehow she had succeeded. She had given her full input to the session and therefore her conscience was clear. But now that she was by herself again, the quietude of her new office beckoned the though back to her consciousness. She wasn't exactly happy to let those thoughts to come back to her, but she knew it was necessary. Now she had one hour to explain her situation to herself, to rationalize it somehow without letting her emotions cloud her judgments.

She closed her eyes and went back to the night almost eight weeks ago, which she had tried not to think about for more than one reason. They had been orbiting Earth three days until they were given the permission to land. Once they were down, the families and friends were waiting them in the huge conference room at the Headquarters. The night had been wonderful for many of them; for her it had been bittersweet. She had tried to ignore her selfish emotions, but she hadn't been able to shake off the difficultness of seeing her tightly knit crew starting to shatter. Her life, as she had known it for a long time, had come to an end, and she couldn't resist feeling useless and empty. She had tried to remind herself that the feeling would pass and that she would adjust, but all the reasoning had not changed the way she was feeling at that point.

In the end of the night, just before she had decided to say her final goodbyes, she had wanted to be alone for a moment. She had found a door that led to an empty briefing room, and she had stepped in. After hours of celebration, she had welcomed the silence. Watching the city lights of San Francisco gave her an opportunity to collect her thoughts. At that point she had finally not just understood but also accepted the fact that they were home. She had truly realized that she had fulfilled her promise, and all the responsibilities she had carried on her shoulders started to lose their weight. The journey she had learnt to love was over and it was time to let go no matter how grievous it might be for her. The finality of the moment had floored her and the tears had begun to burn her eyes.

"_Hey_", she had heard behind her back. "_Why are you standing here in the dark?_"

Kathryn had flinched for the sudden and unexpected voice behind her back, but once she recognized it, she had turned her eyes on the window again.

"_Just absorbing all of this in_", she had said then. "_And watching the city lights_."

"_Some of the crew started to miss you back there_."

"_Well, the former captain has become pretty exhausted already, so I think I'm going to call it a night_", she had said and turned around to watch his face.

He had looked very handsome, even more so than usual. Perhaps she had seen him like that because she had already known what she had to do. Now that they were home she would have to let him go as well. But according to her future self, his personal life was about to start bloom, and that was reason enough for her to take a bow and let him have the opportunity to figure out how his life was going to evolve. Even though the thought of not seeing him as often as she had used to saddened her, she was genuinely happy for him, as much as she was able. He meant the world to her, and she loved her as much as she had been able to do so.

"_Is everything all right?_" he had asked.

"_Yes_", she had answered. "_But I am tired. Mom and Phoebe transported already back to Indiana, so I should go as well. I need the rest._"

"_Oh_", he said. "_I was hoping we could talk for a moment_."

"_I'm very tired, Chakotay. Can't it wait?_" she had asked, and instantly realized how rude she had sounded.

"_Kathryn…_" he had whispered and taken her hand to his. His sudden closeness had made her step back a little, since she knew it still wasn't appropriate for her to show how much she cared. But she cared, more than she was ready to express. And if she really was saying her final goodbye to him, she had wanted it to happen as gracefully as possible. But a big part of her had wanted to stay and the warmth of his hands had given her such a comfort.

"_I really have to go now_", she had said, almost pleaded.

"_Why do I get the feeling that if I let you go now, I won't be seeing you anytime soon?_"

"_I don't know_."

"_Will I see you soon?_"

"_I don't know_."

He had looked at her for a moment with such a wonder in his eyes.

"_Why?_" he had finally asked.

"_The court martial is coming soon_", she had started to explain. "_I… we both have to be prepared. And there are plenty of family members and friends to see as well…_"

"_I see_."

"_I'll admit that it is going to be strange not to see you everyday_", she had said then without even knowing why she had been so outspoken. "_But we will adapt_", she added.

"_Borg wisdom_", he had said.

The word 'Borg' had cut her like a knife. The power of the sensation had surprised her and she had had to turn away from him to collect her thoughts. She hadn't been ready to reveal what she regarded as weakness in herself. Unfortunately he knew her well, too well perhaps.

"_What is it, Kathryn?_" he had asked.

"_Well_", she had sighed. "_I guess all that is ending at the moment has a deeper impact on me than I had anticipated_."

"_To us all, Kathryn_."

"_Perhaps. I just feel that…_"

"_What?_"

"_That this is the last time I am going to see you for a while. And I am feeling like I'm losing a dear friend of mine who cannot be replaced. This whole night has been one big farewell, but you… you were irreplaceable help for me during the entire journey. I couldn't have done it without you, Chakotay. I guess I should have said it you more often, and to know this is my final change to tell you this makes me a little sad_."

Kathryn hadn't been able to say more, since she had felt the lump in her throat and the emerging tears burning her eyes. She had wished that he would have left her then, since she had feared she had already said too much, even though she wished she could have said more.

"_It doesn't have to be that way_", he had said then and touched her shoulder. "_Friendships do not just end like that. We just have to make more effort in order to maintain it for now on_."

After those words she had turned around and faced him again. Then, for some reason, she had said: "_I think I don't want to keep in touch_."

"_What?_" he had asked with disbelief and there were clear signs of hurt in his eyes. "_Why not?_"

"_Well because… I feel I need to be alone now for some time_", she had explained.

And it had been the truth, but only a part of it. And for some mysterious way he had known it. He had seen it in her that there was something she was concealing.

"_What is it, Kathryn?_" he had asked. "_Tell me. Talk to me._"

At that point she had started to fear. They had been such a good friends, but their ranks had always kept a certain distance between them. She had gotten used to it, for her the distance had marked off her comfort zone. But during that moment she had started to feel those borders crumbling down.

"I_ need to go now_", she had said then. Then she had leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "_Goodbye Chakotay. And thank you for the journey, the support, and everything_."

Then she had stepped away in order to leave as quickly as possible, but he had took a tight grip on her arm and pulled her back to him.

"_What is this?_" he had asked. He was frustrated, a bit angry too. "_After all the time, you are just going to leave like that?_"

"_What kind of farewell were you expecting?_"

"_I don't know. I guess I wasn't expecting one at all. And I was certainly not expecting you to disappear from my life or you wanting to do so._"

"_I don't expect you to understand, Chakotay. But I am expecting you to respect my wishes._"

"_I'm sorry Kathryn, but I need an explanation. I cannot believe that after all this time you are cutting me off from you life. How the hell should I understand something like that?_"

"_Why are you making this more difficult than it has to be?_" she had asked feeling more frustrated. "_Saying goodbye to you is hard enough for me, Chakotay, so I would truly appreciate if you would just let me go… just let go_."

"_What the hell is this?! How the hell I suppose to feel when a person who most likely knows me better than anyone else has no interest in seeing me again?_"

"_I did not say that! I was saying that I need some time for myself._"

"_You said that you don't want to be in touch with me anymore, Kathryn. I cannot believe that you actually wish that._"

"_Look, I do not want to spoil this moment by arguing with you. So please, let's stop this right here and now. Your future is waiting for you outside of this room. Just go and be happy. Go and live your life and let me start to live mine_."

"_What the hell does that suppose to mean, Kathryn?_"

"_Just go_", she had said then more seriously. "_I am sure that you are expected somewhere else now_."

After those words Chakotay had started to stare her more intensely. At that moment he must have had realized that she already knew something he had assumed no one did. But she did know. She had known it for days now.

"_Are you talking about Seven?_" he had asked then.

His question had been like a blow to her stomach. She hadn't been able to answer so she had remained silent.

"_Is this it?_" he had asked then.

"_Yes_", she had finally admitted, since she wasn't ready to lie to him.

"_Kathryn…_"

"_Look_", she had started. "I_ am sorry. I am fully aware that it is not any of my business. What ever there has been… what ever this has been… there has obviously been some kind of attraction, but it has never bound us to anything_."

"_I agree_."

"_We both have had close relationships with others during the years… so what ever you are thinking now; I want to make clear that you most certainly don't need my permission on anything._"

He hadn't said anything and she had started to feel the tension in the air, the awkward silence that had filled the space between them. His relationship with Seven had obviously been more sensitive subject for him than she had anticipated. She had wished then that she hadn't said anything.

"_I'm sorry. I am out of line here. I better go…_", she had said then.

"_Don't_", she heard his voice and once again he took a strong grip on her arm. "_Let's talk about this_."

"_No, Chakotay_", she had said. "_Let's just leave this right here, okay?_"

"_No, it is not okay, Kathryn_. _We need to resolve this._"

"_There is nothing to be resolved. I don't need any explanations; you do understand that, don't you?_"

"_Yes I know, but I feel the need to explain nonetheless_", he had told. "_Because you are… you. You are unlike no other for me, you know that. And I'm… sorry_."

"_No, don't be_", she had said then, almost ordered. "_Don't you dare to be sorry, Chakotay. To find someone to be close with… that is a good thing, nothing to be sorry about_."

"_I am not even sure what I have just found, Kathryn_."

"_But there are feelings_", she had said without even knowing herself is she was making a question or stating the fact.

"_Yes, there are, but whatever they may be, they still can't compare …_"

"_Don't_'", she had said then. "_Let's just leave this here_."

Then she had tried to leave once again, but he had still been reluctant to let her go. He had pulled her against him once more and the closeness of his body had suddenly made her feel good in a way that had never been appropriate for her. She had lifted her eyes to meet his, and for a moment she saw something in his gaze that she knew she was feeling herself, but what was still fighting against.

"_I need to go_", she had whispered then, trying to make clear that she wasn't ready or willing to continue what ever had just started.

He hadn't said anything, but finally she had started to feel his other hand against her back, lowering towards her lumbar region. His touch had been electrifying, making cold chills run down her spine.

"_Stop_", she had asked, but too gently for Chakotay to obey. "_Now, Chakotay_."

"_No, not yet_…", he had finally whispered and his eyes were full of passion and love.

"Admiral?" Kathryn heard from the door.

"Dr. Crusher, please come in", she said and shook the memory out.

Kathryn pulled herself together and placed her hands on her armrests.

"I brought you lunch", Beverly said once the door closed behind her, and smiled. Then she placed two packages on the table. "You should eat regularly for now on, and avoid neglecting yourself."

"About that", Kathryn began and cleared her throat. "I need to know what my options are at the moment, doctor."

"Meaning?" Beverly asked and sat down on the chair in front of the admiral's desk.

"Is terminating pregnancy still an option for me?" Kathryn asked.

"Yes", Beverly answered calmly.

"Good."

There was a brief moment of silence in the room. Kathryn was avoiding Beverly's face and looking the painting on the wall. It was a picture of Voyager. Very thoughtful from the one who had placed the painting here, Kathryn thought.

"Is that the action you have decided taking?" Beverly asked then.

"I don't know", Kathryn answered truthfully. "At this point I cannot make any final decisions, but I do need to know how long it is an option for me."

"12th week is the absolute upper limit, but I must let you know that there are doctors out there who would already refuse to terminate it."

"I see."

Kathryn leaned against backrest of her chair and sighed. She was confused, lonely even, and therefore she appreciated Dr. Crusher's presence, even tough she had never even met the woman before today. But something about the doctor made Kathryn feel comfortable with her and she started to feel that she could confide in her; that she would be the one to trust.

"I used to be quite sure that I would like to have children one day", Kathryn said then. "But I guess the Delta Quadrant changed a lot of things. And having children alone isn't really something I am prepared to do."

"Would you be by yourself with this child?"

"I believe I would."

"And you are considering not having this baby."

"This child affects more lives than just mine. This is not just my child."

"So you believe that the father wouldn't want this child?"

"It's a possibility", Kathryn said. "And it is not just him."

"What do you mean?"

Kathryn pondered for a moment how much she was ready to explain. But she needed to give her thoughts a spoken form.

"If I would even tell about this pregnancy, I might end up hurting someone who is very dear to me, someone who has nothing to do with this child."

"Oh…", Beverly said. "The father has his own commitments to someone else."

"Yes", Kathryn confessed and felt shame rippling inside of her. "So this pregnancy could complicate, or most likely even ruin, a lot."

"What about the father? Do you think he would be ready to father this child?"

"He might", Kathryn said. "If I asked him to accept this child, he might even do it. But I don't know if I could do this to him. I don't want him to become father just because of sense of duty. So I am prone to think that the best course of action would be to terminate this."

"He should have the right to make that decision for himself", Beverly said.

"Maybe. But I must admit that the thought of me fixing the mistake before letting others to worry about it is very appealing."

"It would definitely be an easy way out. But I think you should let this man know", Beverly said. "I have always thought that when serious matters are decided between two people, or two parties like in our negotiations, the final conclusion requires agreement from all or disagreement from one. Either way, all parties should be aware of the truth, no matter what is been decided."

"True. I guess I am being very self-centered now. Even though I am worrying about spoiling other people's lives, I think I am fundamentally thinking about myself now, and how my life would change if I would go through this."

"It is perfectly natural response", Beverly stated.

"I guess I should also think the rights this child has, and if he could choose, I think he would rather live than die."

"That is the question we have debated centuries", Beverly said. "And opinions are still very much divided. But you are right, admiral. It is your life. If you feel in your heart that you cannot do this, then you should be honest with yourself. But no matter what you might do, what you may decide, the fact is that you're life has already changed. And so has the father's. He has the right to know."

"I know", Kathryn said. "I'm just being confused and even a little terrified. I guess after all that has already happened in my life I should have learnt by now to expect the unexpected, but I did not in a million years imagine this to myself."

"I don't know if anyone can ever truly expect the unexpected", Beverly stated. "I think humans take great comfort from the expectations that some things would remain the same, even though rarely anything will."

"That is true", Kathryn agreed and smiled.

"Give this some time. You don't have to make your decision right now and you shouldn't," Beverly stated. "So how about having a lunch, admiral?" Beverly asked then.

"That sounds good", Janeway said took the fork in her hand. "Oh, it smells nice. What is this?"

* * *

Kathryn sipped coffee from her cup and read the relevant background information on the virus from her PADD. The dinner break had been brief, but after intense hours of negotiations any break had been more than welcome.

"Are you ready, admiral?" Beverly asked.

"Almost. I just need another ten minutes", she said.

Beverly nodded and left. Kathryn walked to the window and stared the sundown. She had seen similar sunsets in many worlds, but still the one on Earth was the most beautiful in her eyes. Suddenly she started to feel lonely again. That was ironic, since she knew that she was housing another life within her.

"I_ need to go_", she heard her own words in her mind.

Then she remembered Chaktoay's touch almost as vividly as it would have happened now.

"_Stop_", she had asked. "_Now, Chakotay_."

"_No, not yet_…", he had whispered.

What happened next got Kathryn's heart still racing. She remembered how he had guided her to the dark corner of the room and without a word pushed her against the low shelf. All of her thoughts had mixed as one blur.

"_You are going to regret this…_", she had said then. "_I don't want you to do this to her…_"

"_Don't say no, Kathryn, not now_", he had whispered, breathing heavily. "_Not now when I know you want this too_."

"_You are better than this… You don't want to do this_."

"_If I can have you, I don't' care about the rest. You're my exception, Kathryn_."

He had been saying all the words she had needed to justify her own desires. And she had given in. She had felt how Chakotay lowered her trousers. The mere realization of his action made a hot wave rushing over her, and she had known right there she wouldn't be able to resist any longer, nor would she want to. She had already felt the wetness flow between her legs.

"_Someone could see us._..", she had managed to whisper.

"_No one is going to_."

"_The door is open…_", Kathryn whispered again, before Chakotay muted her with his kisses.

His kisses had floored her and she had responded them as hungrily, encouraging him to continue. He had quickly found the way to lower her pants, and next thing Kathryn had felt were his curious fingers touching her underpants, inciting the ache between her legs to expand until the painfully teasing sensation was the only thing she was aware of. All she knew about the world outside of his arms was the voices of their kissing and deeps sighs, which filled otherwise so silent and dark room. That was the sound of their unresolved love, which had burned between them too long.

"_I love you_…", he had whispered until putting his fingers inside of her and feeling how wet and read she had been. "_I'm so in love with you…_"

Kathryn moaned.

"_Shh…_", he had demanded.

She had wanted to touch him, to please him more, do anything which would lead her quicker to her own release. But he hadn't let her. He had made sure that he wanted to lead, and she had let him. She had been ready and willing to do anything for him. When she finally felt him penetrating her, she had tried her best not to cry out. His hands had found a firm grip on her hips and he had started to take her from the behind. She had loved that. She had felt all of him inside her, thrusting her again and again, and every thrust getting harder and harder.

"_Oh yes…_", she had heard herself whispering. "_Right there…"_

"_Kathryn…_", she had heard him whispering.

"_Ohh!_" she had moaned when he found a new angle to take her harder and going deeper. His thrusts caused the most intense sensations that rippled through her. "_Ooh…!"_

"_Shh…"_

"_Ohh!… right there … oh god…"_

Quickly her climax had begun to build and before had she known it, she felt the edge approaching. Then she had felt the first spasm hit being totally unprepared for it. All she had been able to do was to enjoy the unbelievable feeling of her powerful eruption. For a moment everything else in their lives was entirely forgotten.

But the reality had gotten to her quickly. Once the heavy sights silenced, Kathryn pulled her panties up and stepped away from the shelf. She had been confused, scared even. She hadn't dared to look him in the eye.

"_Kathryn..._", he had called her quietly and stepped towards her.

"_Go_", she had asked him.

"_Kathryn?_"

"_Okay, I am going_."

"_Why are you angry_?"

"_You need to ask, Chakotay_?"

"_What is this_?"

"_Nothing_", she had said behind her defenses. "_This was nothing, Chakotay. But at least we can stop wondering now_."

Then she had tried to leave, but once again he had stopped her. But she had been adamant; she needed to get out. Because to truth was that the first thought she had had on her mind once they were done was Seven Of Nine. Therefore she had started to feel anger. She had been disappointed to herself, but also deeply broken because she hadn't been able to enjoy their love making. She had had to deny it, strip it from all of its meaning.

Once she had rushed out of the briefing room, she had headed straight towards the side door that lead to outside. She had needed the air, but more than anything, she had needed the escape. On her way she had bumped into someone.

"_Doctor… Excuse me_.", she had said and rushed off.

Kathryn sighed and looked the ceiling. Suddenly she remembered something, which made her stomach turn, something she hadn't thought about before, because it had felt such an insignificant detail. It was The Doctor. Yes, she remembered it now. Once she had bumped into him, he had looked at her angrily.

"Oh god, no…" Kathryn whispered aloud. "He knows… He saw us…"

* * *

The night was already dark once Kathryn and Beverly stepped out of the Headquarters and walked towards the transporters.

"Thank you, Beverly, for everything", Kathryn said. "For both conducting your best at the negotiations and being such a good support with… the other thing. I truly appreciate your support."

"You are welcome", Beverly said and smiled. "This was certainly a long day and we both require rest before tomorrow morning. I just hope you will get some sleep tonight. I'm sure there's a lot in your mind now."

"There is and I hope that too. But I am not holding my breath."

"Have you had any chance to give the situation a further thought?"

"No. But in all honesty the way I feel about all of this at the moment… I just see there is just one logical choice for me and that would be to terminate this. I just cannot make someone else paying for my own mistake."

"It is not your mistake alone", Beverly reminded. "And therefore it is not solely your decision either."

"I just hate the thought of something this wonderful being something so regrettable. It shouldn't be this way."

"What about the father? Are you sure he would regret it?"

"No, I am not sure. But he has just started to build his life with someone else. If I would tell him about this, I would feel like I was invading, stealing even."

"This is a difficult situation without a doubt and there are no easy answers", Beverly started. "But I think you should try to approach this situation similarly than you have approached the crisis during our negotiations."

"What do you mean?"

"You, as a mediator, have tried to separate the people from the problems, and you have tried to focus on the needs instead of current positions. So I suggest that you should try to identify the problem in this case, instead of thinking how feelings might get hurt. And try to be honest to your own needs, the child needs and the father's need, instead of thinking about how things are. Perhaps you will find your solution."

"That is a good advice, doctor", Kathryn said.

"Kathryn?"

Both Kathryn and Beverly stopped. The next thing they saw was a tall figure walking from the shadows towards them.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn asked surprised.

Chakotay got closer and Kathryn started to feel unsure. She had no idea why he had come, and the situation took her by a surprise. She wondered if she looked abashed in Dr. Crusher's eyes.

"Dr. Crusher", Kathryn began. "This is Chakotay, my former first officer. Chakotay, this is Dr. Beverly Crusher."

"Nice to meet you", Beverly said with a smile and shook Chakotay's hand.

"Likewise, doctor."

Beverly, who had just got to know Janeway, sensed the admiral getting uneasy. It took about a nanosecond for her to realize who this man was.

"Well, I better be going", Beverly said then. "But we will see tomorrow at 0800 hours."

"We will. And thank you once again", Kathryn said.

Beverly smiled, until turned her back on them and headed towards the transporters. While she was walking, she kept her fingers crossed. She had her own ideas of the reasons why admiral's former first officer had appeared, and she hoped that she was right.

"You have been avoiding me", Chakotay said once Dr. Crusher disappeared from their sight.

"Oh?"

"I have tried to reach you many times, but you never returned to my messages."

"I have been on a vacation and therefore out of reach."

"I know. And once the global media watch reported that 'Janeway The Great' has been spotted on the Starfleet uniform again, I figured out that this would be the place to finally reach you. So can we talk?" he asked and offered his arm.

Kathryn didn't respond, but took his arm and they started to walk.

"So back to work?" Chakotay asked then.

"Yes. I am the mediator in the negotiations. Dr. Crusher is the medical expert who has studied the virus allegations behind the crisis."

"I see."

"She's the chief medical officer of the Enterprise."

"I know."

Kathryn smiled. She was a little surprised to see how uncomplicated it was to be with Chakotay again. Unlike her expectations, there were no traces of awkwardness between them, even though they both knew what had happened during their last engagement. It had been two months already, but seeing Chakotay and being with him made the past weeks feel significantly shorter period of time.

"So what exactly brings you here?"

"You", Chakotay answered. "I have missed you."

Kathryn's smile grew even wider.

"I have missed you, too", she said then. "How is everything?"

"Good", he answered briefly.

Then her smile started to fade away. "And how is Seven?" she asked then trying to maintain her neutral exterior.

"Good, I guess."

"You guess?" she repeated.

"I haven't seen her for a while now. She and Doctor accepted Fleet's work offer to join their 'think thank'".

"Oh?"

"I'm surprised you didn't know that."

"Like I said; I have been pretty much out of contact during the last weeks."

"I thought that I was the only one to have that privilege to be ignored by you", Chakotay joked.

Kathryn stopped walking and turned to Chakotay.

"I must apologize for my behavior", she said then. "Last time… well let's just say that I behaved extremely immaturely and I was rude as well."

"Apology accepted", Chakotay said and smiled.

"Thank you", Kathryn said and continued walking.

"It's over, you know", Chakotay said then.

"What is?" Kathryn asked.

"My dating with Seven."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"You are?" Chakotay asked and Kathryn thought she heard disappointment in his voice.

"Of course I am. I have never wanted anything but good things for you."

"Well you shouldn't be sorry, then, since this moment is the best thing that has happened to me in two months."

Kathryn stopped again and looked Chakotay seriously.

"Did she find out what happened between us?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. Why do you ask?"

"Because I think the The Doctor saw us."

"Yes, he knows", Chakotay said then. "He confronted me that night and told me what he had seen. And he was pretty furious. I guess his "speech" was the final straw for me to realize how things were and where my heart truly is."

"Did he tell Seven?"

"I don't think so", Chakotay said. "I hope not. I don't see what would be accomplished by that."

"I hope you are right."

"So where are you going now?"

"To my apartment, I guess. I have one in San Francisco, you know, given by the Starfleet. I am not exactly sure where it is, since I haven't lived a day in it. But I think I'm going spend my first night there now, because you heard Dr. Crusher – I have an early morning ahead of me."

"Well I guess I'm going to help you finding it."

"That is very kind of you", Kathryn said and smiled.

"Kind has nothing to do with it", Chakotay pointed out. "I am expecting to crawl between the same sheets than you, you know."

"Oh?" Kathryn asked smirking. "So much for helping a friend unconditionally."

"I have been patient for weeks now. I think I'm entitled to fair compensation."

"Hmm-mmm."

"And what comes to that friend part – you should know by now that it has never been just that for me, Kathryn. You are the love of my life."

Kathryn stopped and looked Chakotay in the eyes.

"And now that we are not in the command structure anymore, I am going after you with all I got. So consider yourself forewarned."

Kathryn started to laugh.

"You don't know where you are getting into, Chakotay."

"I think I do."

"Oh, you may think you know, but the fact is that you have no idea."

"Really?" he asked and smiled. "And what is that exactly?"

"Well, let's find this apartment of mine first. I'll tell you then."

Chakotay nodded and put his arm around her waist. Then they continued walking, stars shining above them in the San Francisco sky.


	2. An epiloque: Telling the truth

"Well isn't this charming

"Well isn't this charming?", Kathryn asked rhetorically and rolled her eyes, while Chakotay closed the door behind them.

"Looks pretty…"

"Sterile? Stark?" Kathryn suggested.

"A little, perhaps", Chakotay said and smiled.

"Well, I guess this will have to do", Kathryn stated and took off her jacket. "I am so exhausted that I am heading straight to bed."

"No cup of coffee first?" he asked.

"No thanks. I have to be up bright and early, remember? But help yourself; there must be a replicator here somewhere."

Chakotay looked around, trying to piece together the design of the apartment. Once he saw the room that appeared to be kitchen, he headed towards it and found a replicator on the wall.

"You know, after gotten used to Phoebe's coffee, the replicated one tastes quit shoddy", Kathryn told from the bedroom.

"I have to agree", Chakotay said while the cup was materializing in front of him. "But I've never could have imagined that you would turn down an opportunity to have a cup, no matter where it comes from."

Kathryn laughed. "Well, things change I guess."

Chakotay took the cup from the replicator and started walking towards the bedroom. When he stepped in, he noticed that Kathryn had already taken of her uniform and slipped into white satin dressing gown.

"Well isn't that a feast for the eye", he said then and admired the sight under her brows.

Kathryn smiled. She enjoyed the attention. It made her feel beautiful. And Chakotay was the only one she was willing to impress; whose thoughts actually counted. She looked back to him, raised her eyebrow in the most suggestive way, until heading to the bathroom. Chakotay dropped the cup on the night table and following her. When he reached her in front of the big basin and mirror, he put his hand on her hips and his face into her hair.

"I missed you", he whispered. "Kathryn."

A tingling sensation filled Kathryn's body and she leaned back until her cheek was against his. Being in his arms made her feel like she was finally home and all the emotions she had ignored and denied emerged quickly, but gently. She had wanted this to happen a long time and now that she finally had the possibility to experience it, it almost overwhelmed her.

"You said you had to tell me something", he reminded as he looked at her via mirror.

"That's true", Kathryn whispered. She felt worn out and Chakotay's embrace tempted her to fall asleep.

"Well what is it?"

"Hmm…"

"Don't even try to fall asleep", he teased and kissed her on the neck. "It has to be something important, since you wouldn't tell me on the way here."

"It is", Kathryn said. "It's something that has really made me wonder about lot of things today."

"Something about the negotiations?"

"Not exactly, but it certainly tested my ability to concentrate during the negotiations."

"Sounds pretty serious."

"It is, in a way. It's something that I just found out, something that Dr. Crusher said."

"Don't you tell me that you are ill", Chakotay said then, almost as he had been startled.

"I am not ill", Kathryn told calmly.

"Then what is it?" Chakotay asked and placed his cheek against hers again.

"I like Dr. Crusher, you know?" she said then. "She is very intelligent and agreeable person. I think we could even become friends."

"Sounds good."

"I think we are alike in some ways", Kathryn pondered. "Even though, there are obviously some differences, too. At least this is the impression I have got after one day."

"You changed the subject, Kathryn", Chakotay suddenly informed.

"I have?", Kathryn asked, trying to sound innocent, but failing miserably.

"Yes, so enough of the doctor already."

"All right…"

"So what is it?"

"Well…", Kathryn started, but without knowing how to continue.

"I'm waiting."

"Well, you know", Kathryn sighed. "The thing is…"

"Mmm?"

"…that there is something you should know."

"That part is pretty much clear already, Kathryn."

"Okay", Kathryn said more briskly and stared the ceiling.

"What is it?" Chakotay asked again and laughed. "You are a little nervous, aren't you?"

"No", Kathryn tried to insist.

"I think you are. So what ever it is, just tell me."

"All right; the thing is", Kathryn started again. "That before you so grandiosely claim to stick around the good old Kathryn, you should be aware of all the… aspects and features that come with the territory."

"I think I know my Kathryn", Chakotay whispered and kissed her temple gently. "And I am sticking around."

"Yeah… well that is where you are wrong."

"I don't think so."

"I know so. Are you even listening anymore?" Kathryn asked and smiled.

"More or less", Chakotay murmured and continued placing his little kisses on Kathryn's face.

"You are being impossible to talk to", Kathryn said then and smirked.

"I am?"

"Most definitely."

"Well, you should be aware that at the moment my abilities to listen are decreasing at warp speed", he whispered. "So spit it out before I lift you up and take you to bed."

"Fine", Kathryn agreed. "So here it comes."

"Hmm—mm?"

Kathryn sighed. She was surprised to her own incapability to tell about her pregnancy. Now that the time had arrived to share the news, she was almost desperately trying to make up excuses to postpone telling to the next morning. While she was collecting her thoughts, she had to wonder the reason behind her sudden inability to talk to him. Perhaps she was concerned about his reaction. She wasn't exactly sure if Chakotay had ever even considered having a child. But now that she was pregnant, and he was with her, she had begun to like the prospect of having a child with him. Naturally she was still confused, and perhaps the fundamental reality behind her current situation hadn't revealed itself to her yet, but nevertheless she felt like her pregnancy was a natural extension to her love towards him.

But at the same time the temptation to reveal her secret later got stronger. Perhaps she shouldn't tell him right away. Maybe it would be better to tell him next morning, after a good night's sleep.

"Maybe we should continue this tomorrow, when we are both more awake", she suggested then.

"Are you sure?", Chakotay asked then. "I just got curious to hear it."

"Okay, fine", Kathryn replied.

"I'm waiting."

Kathryn sighed. It wasn't like her to be uncertain, but she definitely was in a situation that made her feel uncertainty. She still had a hard time to even realize it, even though she knew it was true. She was with a child; their child. But what would he think about it? What would be the best way to break the news?

"Fine", she finally said and gave the final thought how to organize her words. "I am going to tell you story, an ancient legend among my people."

Few seconds passed by in silence while Chakotay looked at her reflection on the mirror with disbelief.

"WHAT?!" Chakotay finally asked until burst into laughter.

"Hey!" Kathryn exclaimed.

"An ancient legend among YOUR people?" Chakotay managed to ask. "Who are exactly your people?"

"The pioneer people", Kathryn explained with fake snootiness. "I have my own people too, you know."

Chakotay started to laugh even harder. "Are you mocking the storytelling traditions of MY people?"

"No", Kathryn pointed out. "But I am proud of my heritage and who's to say that my people don't have legend or two in their sleeves?" Besides I have learnt that some things are easier to say by wrapping a nice little legend around the subject."

"Really?"

"Yes. And especially if the story is as real as Earth being flat."

"I thought you liked the legend I told you", Chakotay said trying to contain his laughter.

"I did, it was very nice, thank you very much, but now it is time that another legend is told."

"Okay, go ahead", Chakotay encouraged.

"All right, so this is a legend among my people. It is about…"

Chakotay chuckled and Kathryn had to hold back her laughter.

"Yes?" he asked then.

"It is about a woman pioneer who had to travel across the prairie…", she started, but without being able to finish once her laughter got a hold on her.

"A woman who travelled across the prairie, and?" Chakotay asked.

"Yes, and her journey was long; it took seven years to reach her final destination."

"That must have been one big prairie…"

"It was", Kathryn stated.

"Poor woman."

"Yes, but she was determined. And brave and wise", Kathryn added with a smirk.

"Naturally. And once she reached her final destination?"

"She…", Kathryn sighed and pondered how to continue. "She…"

"Yes?"

"She realized that the world looked like a different place."

"Why? What was wrong with the destination?"

"Oh nothing, but she had… learnt that she was in a situation where she started to see the world around her in totally different way.""

"So the journey had a deep impact on her in emotional level and she felt like a new person, someone she wasn't quite familiar with?"

"I'm afraid this legend is not quite that deep."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Because the thing was that this woman pioneer… she… umm… she had to adjust to the thought of being… well; she found out that she had gotten knocked up", she finally said.

"What?"

"Yeah…"

"The woman pioneer was pregnant?" Chakotay asked smiling.

"Very much so."

"Right…"

"Because before she settled down after this long journey across the prairie, she had a brief encounter with… an angry warrior of one kind."

"What…?" Chakotay asked, now more seriously.

"And once knowing that she was with a child… she had to think twice what would happen next, since she had her hands full with other things, too. Not to mention that the angry warrior was nowhere to be seen… and she wasn't expecting him to appear in sight anytime soon."

Chakotay's facial expression turned blank. He stared Kathryn's face in the mirror, but without saying a word.

"I know", Kathryn said then. "I didn't really expect to get pregnant at this point either. But I have to trust Dr. Crusher's word. I am seven weeks pregnant."

"Oh wow…", Chakotay managed finally say. "This is certainly… unexpected."

"I know. I had a hard time understanding this as well."

"But… how can this be?"

"I don't know. I didn't expect this at all and once Beverly told me I almost felt like some unprepared teenager caught with her pants down. And I mean it literally."

Chakotay chuckled.

"But obviously, against all odds and my own assumptions, there was at least one Janeway power egg left and once it encountered a bunch of certain super seeds, the "magic" happened…"

"I don't believe this..", Chakotay said then. "I mean I do believe it, if you say it's true, but…"

"I know", Kathryn added. "And before you came, I had already started to consider terminating this… thing."

"No…" Chakotay said then. "I mean, if that is what you want, then…"

"I don't know… but it seemed very plausible option earlier, since I thought you have started to build your life with… someone else."

"Wow…"

"Your face is losing its natural color, Chakotay", Kathryn said then.

"What?"

"You are getting pale."

"I am not, Kathryn."

"Yes you are. I am definitely detecting a color-loss. If I wouldn't know you better, I would say that you are… panicking."

"I am not panicking", Chakotay insisted.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Are you sure?"

"I am sure. There is no reason for me to panic."

"There is not?"

"No."

"So what do you think, then?"

"To be honest… I don't know what to think yet."

"I know. I have difficulties to comprehend this as well."

"I certainly didn't expect to become dad."

"And I had pretty much given up from the prospect of becoming a mom."

"Well", Chakotay started. "Looks like many unprecedented results can be reached, when we team up."

Kathryn chuckled and took Chakotay's hand in her own.

"So you are not sending me to get this thing "taken care of" when I manage to get over the negotiations?"

"No…", Chakotay whispered. "No Kathryn. I may not be prepared for this, and I certainly don't know how I either think or feel about this, but at the same time the thought of terminating this feels just wrong."

"I'm glad to hear that, even though I am not certain either about my thoughts and feelings."

"So I guess we just have to be confused together."

"Yeah; let's do that."

"So", Chakotay said and turned Kathryn around to face him. "I guess I have to admit that there isn't such a state in this universe like "Chakotay having Kathryn totally and profoundly to himself."

"Oh… we have approximately seven months left", Kathryn whispered and smiled.

"And I suggest we start by going in to that bed", Chakotay said and nodded towards the bedroom.

"Sounds like a good plan."

"It most certainly is", Chakotay said.

"Promises, promises…", Kathryn teased.

Chakotay took Kathryn's hand and they walked out of the bathroom. Kathryn smiled. She felt relieved and happy. And she didn't feel quite as tired as she had felt few moments ago.


End file.
